For so long, I shunned many parts of myself that I deemed too “girly.” I hated pink. I wore baggy sweatpants and oversized t-shirts. I felt strange in a swimming suit or wearing anything that emphasized my cleavage. I didn’t know how to let myself feel sexy— for just me. I didn’t know how to let myself cry without feeling ashamed. I pushed down the neediness. I pushed down my sensitivity.

For so long, I refused to paint flowers. All the girls were painting flowers, and I wanted to be unique. Now, I understand that I love nature. And the reason everyone paints flowers and leaves is because they love nature, too. 

My first great adventure has been that of grounding down into myself. I am a multi-faceted woman. I do not need to be seen by anyone because I see myself. 

I got to this place by using positive affirmations. I learned which words felt really good, and which ones felt false. Which ones hurt. I gave love to the ones that hid from me. I let myself feel every last prick until I found myself repeating positive statements to myself all day long. I found that I was a happier person. I was a stronger person.

I had become a warrior goddess queen, just like I’d been whispering in the quietest rooms of my heart. I learned to embrace all the most delicate and sensitive parts of myself, and I have been richly rewarded in my life since I learned to let myself be.

These paintings represent the joy I find in giving myself the full creative freedom. I put down abstract layers in wild play while my rational mind takes a break. This meditative practice is essential in the depth of the painting, just as my own silent meditations have been essential to the growth of my values and boundaries

Incantations of the Present is the story of a woman coming into her own. Of how finding peace in the present moment allowed her to find her voice and her power. She hopes you can rest for a bit here, in the present, too.

Exhibit first shown in the Fondulac District Library in September 2022 in Peoria, IL.